Emma, you didn’t have to try that hard
because no one remembers you either way.
Signed a check to make sure you’d stay silent.
Why lie, they forgot what you even look like.
And that's treason because they're the ones
who paid so much to keep your tired looks.
Remember when they yelled at your co-worker about some spilled milk?
Yet, it smelled that way inside
so it's hard to say if it was even the worst thing.
And I can’t defend you, well I can behind closed doors,
or else I'll get my ass kicked.
Another glorious dull decay
for these friends of convenience.
A topical charade to converse about,
they’ll bust out the milk bones
when you plot the grounds. (No doubt!)
Did they really think I would forget?
A lifetime’s worth of vicious whispers.
An avarice for being fashionably correct,
hard to believe I did not listen to my friends.
I didn't say anything but it's best to keep opinions in line
cause if she hears it wrong it is relationship suicide.
No one is living with you.
Not a candidate to say I would too.
But I wish I was.
Or maybe I don’t.
Can you help me decide?
No, you won't.
What the hell do you want?
Lying on the application.
Deceiving description in tiny treaties.
I've had enough.
So worn out by your callous disguise.
You don't remember me.
It’s so embarrassing.
Don’t lie to me, don't lie to me!
My god, you got nothing better to do.
Than to think about
how they didn't want you all those years ago too.
I can't recall this purchase.
But now I'm under the heat lamps;
dissection seems well deserved rather than misplaced.
I did not have the nerve to replace.
With people so invested in years ago,
I’ll be back when they get over it, let me know!
Who am I?
Please remember if you can.
Is it hard to find a way to escape
when one follows only their own footsteps?
With lungs dizzy with fluid, among other things,
so don't get distracted.
Or you'll miss the lecture for sure.
Second chances that are second handed.
My chances only seconds long.
Don't doubt it cause the second year is gone.
Lindsey I'm begging for the word
to get me the grade I don't deserve.
Pathetic and half awake.
Chief of staff in my way.
Now I just look on at these so called peers.
Who only do parlor tricks to impress anyone.
Thought he was a new god
watching a small world decide.
Should have been learning something new.
Now all you do is review.
So come back, soak 'em back.
"Emma" is a pretty old song that had been kicking around since the days of the Pity Won EP, but in a form that I would only describe as "trite rock garbage". I remember the song was just a bit of repetitive drag in 4/4 that only alternated between verse and chorus twice, and then finally killed itself with a mercilessly terrible "solo" by yours truly. .
Fast forward some years, and I decided to challenge myself in reinventing old material. Sometimes this worked well ("Langley", an unreleased track that now is more krautrock than the slow rock-ish waltz it used to be), and sometimes this failed entirely (any attempt at remaking "The Woods" always made me feel inept).
I hit a nice stride with "Emma" though, when I decided to mash it with some reggae and noisy-ish rock influences. The verses now had a bit more of an interesting swing with space in the guitar playing (I'm just nicking Andy Summers here really), and the choruses now had a launchpad to start, as opposed to just bleeding in stupidly as they had with the initial arrangement.
Lyrically, I cannot remember what I even sang in the first version; making me curious of what exactly this song was even about, if anything at all. But now I had a real song, and that meant I actually had to think about lyrics, fantastic...
Without hand-holding too much, "Emma" is just about the knife of pity being double-edged. The rest is just the usual take downs of various louses.
"Xe laju' noj" is just a little instrumental that had its origins in the remixing process for "Emma", but I decided to make it a full track in the end. I was channeling my inner (poor) ambitions of Aphex Twin (Windowlicker-era, think about it...) and µ-Ziq.
"Math 093" is a long lost song from the weird interim between Dolorous and Pity Won. Probably the most autobiographical song here, it takes a bit of a look at the days of college and apathy. Sometimes those days seem attractive, and sometimes not. Probably the simplest song I've written in a long, long time. Maybe it will return to the live sets after not being played in many years...
The space of time between The Kinch Service in 2015 and now feels like eons, but perhaps there was always a need for myself to re-evaluate the music of the past in order to write the new.
I have been in the far out, quiet margins, trying to get the second LP to be completed and now more than ever it seems it will come to fruition. For all the few but vigilant fans of my music, thanks for waiting, it'll be a little while longer now. I hope this serves as an entertaining, exciting, and comforting far out transmission from planet How Scandinavian that says "I'm alive and well, the work is almost completed."
All the best,
- Bryan S.
released September 4, 2017
All songs written by Bryan Santizo.
All instruments and vocal performances by Bryan Santizo.
Additional bridge synthesizer magic on "Emma" by Andrew Henry.
Production, mastering, mixing, and recording by Bryan Santizo
Recorded at The Lost Ooze, CA