The Second Before I Give Up EP

by How Scandinavian

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1.
grabbing a knife by the wrong way you know you shouldn't (you said you shouldn't) you're just a distraction and I've got nothing better to do with my time with my time you know right from wrong but you think of the middle.. and I guess no one says anything...right. you gotta be kidding me (x4) is this way too much to handle for me? (you fucking be kidding me) oh really, oh really, oh really, oh really? you gotta be kidding me. grabbing it all the wrong way you know shouldn't but you do it anyway (anyway) and you question the morality of what you just said and nobody ever tries (so hard) about anything, anything, anything... (anyone, anywhere, anything at all) (i don't really care either way) you gotta be kidding me (either way...) you gotta be kidding me (either way I...) you gotta be kidding me (either way...) you gotta be kidding me (kidding me!) you gotta be kidding me
2.
Reviewing anything with regret is exhausting to a troubled mind sometimes I forget all the ways I fucked up and made you cry At times I still wait for the girl from Paris to come down to my class and we'll travel from Iceland to Bombay But it's okay cause I'm with you to share eternal youth without a moment un-shared Trying to get the approval of all people that you respect knowing very well that you're not even close to being good enough yet It's difficult to concentrate leaving a fulfilled existence Don't you know it means a lot to anyone when you want to laugh at them so laugh and get this over with Please don't leave please don't leave please don't leave God damn the jealousy piling up between the cracks of a failing self confidence In nightmares and stupidity but in reality kiss me and tell me I'm the best thing that you'll ever have
3.
another dream is killed and the reality is near say you tried but I don't see you trying any harder than you did last year a pair of skinny jeans can change your mind a younger face lays out that plan "pull apart this used-to feeling and walk far from this" he said "Isn't it obvious?" we both wished shortcuts abound, sterile and found everything is perfect and it still is but I never seem to live in it oh I feel that way so much didn't want to wake up today dim dark and old blue hues slowly dropping off the ledges, if we meet... and bitter pills to swallow along my cereal wheat Oh that cereal wheat the only warm thing around the thing I love to eat because no one else is around to make me breakfast and I wish I could eat without feeling like shit when I wake up to go to class! You say you know where our problems go It's really cute you think you know where our problems go You say you know But you don't really know It's cute you think you know But I'm going to hell (for all the little things I've done...and said...) what a fool am I to believe in change to think of myself as an intellectual but i'm not surprised, no! mistakes are abound (You say you know) my disappointment is well fueled (where our problems go) well fueled... (it's cute you say you know) ????...measurements of... like gasoline...???? (but you don't know) it can't be conveyed Quite honestly, I wish we were intricate I wish there was meaning but so now what's left? what's left of this? will you tell me? It would've been so much warmer if you really tried she thought that I could tell and I thought that I would be there but isn't it obvious? we both wished so long and "so long" is what we'd say, the very next day but I couldn't feel but say (You say you know) that I was... truly alone (where our problems go) Truly alone... (it's cute you say you know) what else mattered anyway? (but you don't really know) ???????? (where our problems go) ???????? (it's cute you say you know) regardless of what happened (but I'm going to hell) regardless of anything... uh, oh well... but the girls don't seem to care tonight as long as the mood is right the mood isn't right though... it's actually really wrong... really
4.
Clamface 02:42
*I just really don't care.* You don't get the last word in so graceful in every way you acted how right it seemed an awful way I'm grateful now in every way Grateful forever starting today condensed and decrepit you're just my story now no you won't ever have the chance to talk (my guess, can't find the sheet) come on tell me you'll take me down (to the way) you'll take me down (to the way) you'll take me down (to the way) you'll take me down (to the way) oh I doubt it, oh I doubt it just like loose change you're so cheap I'll come into the liquor store and make you my treat and you don't help yourself or ever account for the lesser things that arrive you call it "everything I provide"! (Note: I as in me) but you'll take me down (to the way) but you'll take me down (to the way) you'll take me down to the way where I don't wanna stay and you'll stay but you'll stay never moving always there never saying what should have been said! no, haha you'll never open your mouth again... if this is how it is, then grab my thoughts and clearly demonstrate I've been there before, only you would exaggerate only you would exaggerate (now we know the expert on exaggerating) (you fucking waste)
5.
Sink or Swim 02:19
depression breeds depression real effort breeds success your ambition is much too low you'll never depart from the rest there's no reason to ponder with everyday to lose when you fall i'll laugh all the way through sink or swim or never find out but the moment has passed and you fatally drowned so sink or swim or never found out but the moment has passed we forgot about you and when you're down i'll spit on you stagnation must be comfy no doubt it'll be true with lazy potential of a failure's lure (to) sink or swim or never find out but the moment has passed and you fatally drowned so sink or swim or never found out but the moment has passed and you fatally drowned forgot about you (forgot about) forgot about you (forgot about) we forgot about you (forgot about) oh, we forgot about you... we forgot about you! oh we forgot about you! oh we forgot about you! oh we forgot about you! oh we forgot about you!
6.
Walking back into the circle of friends you have you think you're great but I have my own ways to think about what I should have said and guilt follows me around and temptation sure is around here resist that same fear now you gotta find your way out of the mess and dig your hole another direction from the first one you dig straight down you're gonna get sinked in you tell me I'm not too great but I know I've done so much to take your 'consid-er-sensations' But I'm not surprised anymore Not surprised when you realize I'm the bastard and a fool I'm your bastard and I'm my own fool But now what is left? and now what is left of this simple time? and I guess I should've drank the turpentine Now god bless you left a mess now I'm not sure why but now you tell me that it's not working why didn't you say something three months ago? oh no? It doesn't really think about what I said before Said before And now I guess I'm walking straight to the path of 'diss' glamour and misconception but isn't that what all kids love to say when they're walking down the hallways and looking at someone like they own us all but you know you've never had something that was more that was more... Now I know, I know, I... You said when you're walking away from this situation that you never had You never had, you never have it have it, habit you had it but you lost it behind and you're lost behind you're lost behind and you're lost behind...

about

Only available for a short time after being released, The Second Before I Give Up was recorded and released in haste, partially because of my desire to release something fresh after 2010’s “Clandestine” single failed to impress. Yet, even though this initial desire had been fulfilled, the imminent release of How Scandinavian's debut LP would quickly become idealized as being my sole release of 2011.

So what seemed like “just a collection of random songs”, as a friend of mine so eloquently put it, was thrown back into oblivion to make way for the “grand artistic statement” that Dolorous was intended to be. But now in 2016, I decided to remaster and remix this lost EP in order to contextualize and reestablish it as one of the most important things in the early How Scandinavian chronology, however unimportant that might be in the whole of musical history.

Originally titled "I Love You Björk, Marry Me!", this EP is in many ways the final “adolescent” How Scandinavian release that I made. Mainly composed and written during my junior year of high school, the six genre shifting songs are thematically linked by subjects that all were born from that period; youthful optimism, romance, uncertainty, disappointing friendships, and the well-earned dislike of the popular kids.

The EP also contains a sense of experimentation and exploration that I have grown very fond of in recent times. The hyper stream of change and information that was coming in during those late teenage days is captured by the song-by-song genre switching, and in hindsight seems like a subconscious move to adapt.

Although these themes (both lyrically and musically) are pretty much eternally coming and going around in my (and many others’) music, this would be the only moment in which it was addressed as directly as possible. There is a lack of metaphor throughout the record, and if I had gone a step further then I would be addressing people by name and street number.

With all the shifting friendships, a remaining year filled with closure for the teenage era, and the looming entrance into university, all I could do was address it as directly as possible. The result was the most reactive sounding record I ever made as a teenager.

"I was half in mind, I was half in need
And as the rain came down I dropped to my knees and prayed
I said "Oh heavenly thing please cleanse my soul
I've seen all on offer and I'm not impressed at all"

- The Style Council, "Shout to the Top!"

1. In Between Graces:

The early and continuing experiences of separating expectation and reality, first hand. A very acidic letter to old friends who drifted away. In hindsight, the subject matter and sound are a bit of a peek to what would be developed further later down the line. Probably my favorite opening track ever and borrows its title from a superb Harvey Danger lyric.

2. Girl From Paris

Subject matter being those old school daydreams of escapism, mixed with the early signs of reality crashing on top. This concept had been kicking around my head since I was in elementary school; the possibility of a foreign exchange gal that would sweep you away. For better or worse, that never happened.

3. You Say You Know

Closest thing to The Fall I ever wrote in my life. I particularly like the cereal in the morning section. A very accurate representation of the high school growing pain years in a stream of consciousness style. References Steely Dan too!

4. Clamface

The "fiercest" I got as a 17-year old. I had not really dived into "true" forms of heavy and fast music as I would the following year, but I gave it a shot (as it is apparent with this and the subsequent song). I thought to myself, "I'm pretty mad, so I'm going to repeat this dumb riff over and over in a fast way. That's how it works right?". In a naive way, it did.

5. Sink or Swim

Much like "Clamface", this was my juvenile attempt to make a "heavy" track. Point of reference for the vocals was Henry Rollins, and not really the Black Flag iteration, but more the Rollins Band in "Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3" iteration. I believe the song was called "What's The Matter Man?". It's not very good. After adding about a zillion guitar overdubs, I figured I might as well go all out and brought the keyboard to do some nasty sounding 90's synth bass. Not exactly fast, but not a slog either. I quite like this song for how odd it turned out, it was revived for 2016 sets.

6. Not A Significant Source Of

A naïve foray into a twisted and compromised idea of synthpop. At the time, I did not know how to program drum patterns in DAWs or knew what a VSTi was, so this entire rhythm track was recorded live from my old trusty organ's rhythm machine. It kind of lends the track an ominous sound that is uneasy and nervous. With lyrics that deal with the sentiment of opposing the popular kids with their glancing judgement and exciting lives (I know better now), I wanted no backing vocals for the lone voice among the madness.

credits

released February 27, 2011

All songs written and recorded by Bryan Santizo between mid-2010 and early 2011.

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How Scandinavian Palmdale, California

Alias of Bryan Santizo, founded in 2008.

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