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Drowning In Myself

by How Scandinavian

a silent cross through hit and run no mercy sown behind that one swinging the broken thoughts they just watch but I can laugh it off on your heels of flattery and all those familiar fools they trip to fall under your weight I watched these scenes always replaying didn't have the words set up that time from your life spells out just what you see always some past to which I cannot commit and what do I have to say for myself? where's the muse, the contention, the inherent single sense of suspicion that this is my way to go My memory, such a slave to certainty cause all the letters and notes in fancy papers or envelopes couldn't be worth much in weight, even less in ACTUAL answers but I guess that's the joke changing face and landscape to boast I remember my naviety back in the summer, running by water enough reminiscing you could stay there forever I'll just let myself out and try not to drown in myself goodbye my love goodbye my love forever you've had too long to wait for me so just keep me in mind as long as you can goodbye my love goodbye my love for you and for anyone I'm letting myself out once again
Miscreants 04:57
too much time to live on I feel as though this is an act amount to nothing perhaps it must be the end I saw now sickening majority when I think of everyone I've met it's hard to not wish to be gone too many lives, too many times to waste away but no one told us how nobody taught me how to run walking from it all nobody taught me how to live you're always looking down nobody told me how to run I guess it's hard to live knowing there's nowhere else to go another torn explanation of details I don't care about dripping away dripping stagnation on your face again just drag your feet in the ground cause there's no safe way without falling down nobody taught me how to run wish you were gone and dead nobody taught me how to live I guess it's just something else nobody taught me how to run walking on two feet now... nobody taught me how pass it away, pass it on pass away another day again to say it wasn't a waste but you know it was wake up again knowing there's nothing nothing new, nothing left to live but heard it before you should have changed something but now it's too late you know it's wrong nobody taught you how to live I guess it's something else now nobody taught you how to run knowing there's something else nobody taught you how to run you know there's something else tell me there's a reason too


"Drowning In Myself" was written in early 2012 when the original live band was at the peak of its powers, but I've had the strange fortune of just never really feeling confident in any recorded version from that era; the only thing remaining from 2012 is the partial drum track, opening guitar line, and organ.

I've played this song numerous times with every single incarnation of the live band to date, and it isn't exactly on my top list of songs that need revisions of any sort so I just figured it was time to get it out. It was originally intended to be the closing song of How Scandinavian's 2nd album but over time it just had less and less to do with any of the material that is now set to be a part of it. I then figured it could fit into Kinch Service (title of the 6th How Scandinavian EP) but, with more time passing, I did not feel that it was a proper place for it.

Because of those factors, I simply felt that the song was just meant to be released as a standalone song; it never really fit with the rest of material that we played in 2012 and it fits even less now. Despite the setbacks, I do still enjoy occasionally practicing this song with the band and it is now officially a "live rarity" to me now that it has an official release.

"Miscreants" is another song that had its genesis from the 2012 live band's frequent rehearsals and shows, and because of that I feel it is an appropriate companion song to "Drowning In Myself".

With this song I was definitely wearing some of my influences at time (my shoddy interpretation of playing a "shoegazey guitar line") on my sleeve, and it now sounds a little silly to me personally. The melodramatic nature of the song is not really something that I can do as well anymore, and that's partially why I still occasionally ask the band to play it at practice; it might even get a arrangement makeover in the future.

On an amusing note, I recall a very memorable (to me) performance of "Miscreants" to a incredibly sleepy crowd at about 2AM at the (now no longer existing?) Oasis. I remember thinking that this was the direction that How Scandinavian would go into after "Pity Won" (it was mostly recorded in the same "sessions" as the songs that appeared on it) but of course that was not meant to be with what would be released later on.

I hope that How Scandinavian's listeners enjoy these two songs and that it will hold them over just a little while longer for the next era of songs I have cooking.

All the best,
- Bryan


released December 7, 2014

Bass, Drums, Guitar, Organ, Vocals - Bryan Santizo
Recorded and Mixed at The Lost Ooze between 2012-2014
All songs written and produced by Bryan Santizo.


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How Scandinavian Palmdale, California

Alias of Bryan Santizo, founded in 2008.

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